The County
When I was an intern at the county hospital in Oakland, I hated the place. It smelled, patients berated you, you got worked 120 hours per week, the nurses hated you, and you knew nothing. Worse than that, you had to be the phlebotomist, transport, janitor, nurse, radiology tech, and lab tech all at the same time. I was always worried that my ability might fail me and I might not be as good of a doctor as I wanted to be.
Things have changed since I've come back. It helps they built a new wing of the hospital with up to date ERs and radiology suites, but I think that maturity has led me to understand the true purpose of the county hospital. It serves those who wouldn't normally get state of the art care. Granted, most patients are rude and sometimes aggressive, but 20% of the patients I see are truly grateful for the availibility of leading edge care and some patients remind me of my own immigrant upbringing. I like it a lot more these days.
It's still stressful though. In fact, moreso now that I'm higher in my training. A lot more of the life and death situations fall upon my shoulders and I'm ready, but scared all at once. I never really was trained to face 3 gunshot woudns in 2 minutes as can happen at the county. Nor was I trained to use my adrenaline and instinct to crack open a patient's chest, clamp their aorta, and massage the heart directly to bring someone back to life. Those are things I never imagined I'd be doing when I was a kid.
What I've come to realize most though, is that while stress is ever present in teh county, there's only so much you can do. And if I've given my best in effort and ability, than that's all I can be. I'm supremely confident in my ability to be a surgeon, but if for some reason, I don't do it as well as others - I'm comfortable with that.
Things have changed since I've come back. It helps they built a new wing of the hospital with up to date ERs and radiology suites, but I think that maturity has led me to understand the true purpose of the county hospital. It serves those who wouldn't normally get state of the art care. Granted, most patients are rude and sometimes aggressive, but 20% of the patients I see are truly grateful for the availibility of leading edge care and some patients remind me of my own immigrant upbringing. I like it a lot more these days.
It's still stressful though. In fact, moreso now that I'm higher in my training. A lot more of the life and death situations fall upon my shoulders and I'm ready, but scared all at once. I never really was trained to face 3 gunshot woudns in 2 minutes as can happen at the county. Nor was I trained to use my adrenaline and instinct to crack open a patient's chest, clamp their aorta, and massage the heart directly to bring someone back to life. Those are things I never imagined I'd be doing when I was a kid.
What I've come to realize most though, is that while stress is ever present in teh county, there's only so much you can do. And if I've given my best in effort and ability, than that's all I can be. I'm supremely confident in my ability to be a surgeon, but if for some reason, I don't do it as well as others - I'm comfortable with that.
posted by Richard at 4:16 PM
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