What Blogs Should Be Like...

I've blogged below about how most blogs are inherently boring and harmless. Devoid of any statement or personal expression, they become meaningless newsletters meant to celebrate the fame they create in their own mind. A few blogs actually say something. They take a stance on an issue that differs with their readership or their friends or they actually express something personal, on a meaningful level.

I read quite a few blogs in a day. I'm always curious as to what's out there in blogland. I find most blogs boring and completely uninteresting. Yesterday, I read a very good blog entry from someone I'm acquainted with. He's at Princefrog's Blog if you're interested. Here's a quote:

"Therefore I do my best not to let my passions take advantage of me, to judge people too quickly or rashly, or take pleasure in other peoples misfortunes. And I most definately will never take damaging physical action against another human being without undue cause."

Initially, on first read, the entry is laced with an undercurrent of anger and brewing dislike. But after a few reads (yes sometimes I read blogs multiple times - like any good read, the meat fleshes itself out after a few runthroughs), I saw a sincere level of resentment and frustration - both emotions not necessarily fueled by hate, but by a personal expression.

Like this blog, there needs to be more passion and positions taken on the internet. We need to avoid political correctness.

I've noticed, though, that being politically incorrect requires a patience. Being politically incorrect forces you to be held up to the flames of opinions of others. Being politically incorrect demands you to be understanding of the resentment of disagreement when it comes your way.

As a society, we've become so complacent that taking a safe approach is far easier than taking a strong one. I applaud those who stand out strong, even if it disagrees with my own values and morals in life. At least I know where they stand and that they believe in something. Even then, I don't seem them as lesser human beings - I just see the people who disagree as that - humans who can intelligently disagree.

I Found a Real Tailor!!!

There's a hilarious episode of Friends in which Chandler needs a tailor. Joey suggests one he knows and goes to all the time. Chandler goes and, to his horror, the tailor fondles his man jewels. Joey, apparently, never realizes this is wrong until Ross says its wrong too. It just serves to illustrate the difficulty in finding a good tailor.

Trust me, the following has relation to what I'm going to talk about. Capitalism is good in some respects. The higher standard of living, the rapid development of new technology, and the reliability of product regardless of geography are some of the positives. Karl Marx couldn't argue with that could he?

The staggaring amount of negatives, however, makes me almost want to be socialist (and this is coming from a person who's father fought against communist and who's wife's family fled communism in a boat). But as I'll show in a few paragraphs, the negatives can be abated by wise decisions on the part of the consumer.

The biggest negative of capitalism is the loss of the mom and pop shop. In place of a neighborhood coffee house, you have Starbucks. In place of a neighborhood bookstore, you have Barnes and Noble. Economies of scale has made it such that individual service becomes an item on the employee training manual, rather than an actual trait.

I frequent Borders quite a bit. Mainly because it has good coffee and I can read the magazines. But despite the fact that I've been there nearly everyday the last month, the guys behind the counter has yet to learn my name nor ask me a question. Why? I'm not sure - probably they see too many customers in a day. But its not that hard to do, and until they start talking, I'm withholding their tip. Take that.

Finding a mom and pop coffee house with a great magazine collection, though, is hard to find. So that's why I'm at the huge, made to not feel like a chain but still is a chian Borders. Some things, I've realized, should never be made like a chain.

Today, I needed to alter some pants of mine. Until I figure out how to make myself a few inches taller, I still need someone to cut my pants down to my short stubby size. I had no clue, and nobody in this neighborhood talks to each other, so I couldn't get a good referral. I looked on the internet and found a few places. One, called "The Tailor Maid," was located in the mall, so I figured it would be easy to stop by and get alterations done. Plus, it had other locations in the bay as well.

When I approached the pink shop, I noticed a small line forming with all sorts of women hanging out. To my surprise, the place was busy and there was no man in sight. There was some sort of assembly line thing going on I couldn't figure out. Either way, I was turned off immediately. After ten minutes, the clerk/assistant/someone who doesn't care asked me what I wanted, in a sorta annoyed that she had to work way. I said nothing and left.

I then drove around my neighborhood to another place I saw on the internet. It was hard to find and it looked a little run down. It was empty. There appeared to be only one changing booth with a small semi-sheer curtain meant to shield the curious (or the horrified) from me changing clothes. I walked in anyway, on instinct thinking it might be right.

Immediately, an older italian fellow greeted me and asked me my name and shook my hand. Whoa! This is not supposed to happen. I'm supposed to stand in line and never touch anybody's hand no? I said I needed some pants hemmed and his opinion on if my jacket needed any tailoring. He said, "OF COURSE!!!! That's what I'm here for!"

While marking out my first pair of pants, he continued on, asking me about life, what I do, if I had kids, why I'm here, what type of surgery I'll be doing, etc. I asked him how long he'd been here if he has kids, etc. But best of all, he knew what he was doing. No questions asked, he knew exactly if I liked a little break or not. He even suggested me trying other suit sizes to see if they fit better.

The kicker though, was when he said, "Doctor, you need to work out more to fit the slimmer suits. Then you'd make us Italians proud!" He was great. And he knew what he was doing.

Which brings me back to capitalism. The reason why this guy has such a rundown shop despite the expertise and wonderful personalization is because he can't afford to upkeep the shop like he would. He just doesn't get enough customers. He's being pushed out by the Nordstrom's, the Tailor Maid's, even Banana Republic because customers don't care about getting to know the tailor - they just know that at those places it may be free.

But that's the point. The consumer has a choice. For some reason, we've decided that spending money should not factor in community. The mom's and pop's stores are our community and we need to support them by spending money in their shops, etc. Yes, I still need to go to Border's, as its the only place that I know that has that magazine selection and coffee in one spot.

But from here on out, I know who's going to be altering all of my clothes - semi-sheer curtain or not.

Pseudo Independent Blogging

There's a phenomena that I called "pseudo-independent blogging." That's when someone, who normally doesn't vocalize any thoughts, blogs demonstratively and says what they think to be polarizing, groundbreaking things. With a flurry of keyboarding, a bearing of chest, and a raising of the chin (all in the confines of their home office mind you), these keyboard assassins reign down anger, hatred and judgementalism on.....

No one in particular.

More often than not, blogs are populated by people who are willing to criticize from afar. With a large amount of polarity, these blogs claim to be calling out someone, but that individual(s) is usually not well known to them. Rather, its a person impersonalized by distance and namelessness. No one who could take offense, or really learn from the blog. It allows the pseudo-independent blogger the chance to flame on, but without offending anyone. But then, what's the point?

If you're trying to keep the peace with everyone around you, who's going to really care? Who's going to see that you have a backbone enough to say something? Who's going to learn anything from your blog? The pseudo-independent bloggers like to think they're literary contriteness is doing something, but its not - because its a kiss-ass to the ones he/she knows would read it - by trying not to offend those readers.

Now, I don't take the same approach. Hence, I've lost a few possible friendships along the way. That said, my friends who do read my blog have told me that they actually learn something. Okay, maybe very occasionally. Okay, maybe never. But they know that I stand for something. That I don't pander to political correctness nor do I falter into political genuflecting. If I don't like you, I won't. Nor will I need to.

There stands a chance that my attitude and my outright belligerence can alienate me from the rest of the world. I tend to think not. In fact, most people I know wouldn't even think that I have strong opinions. But beneath my veneer of politeness and professionalism, I absolutely state clearly my disdain, dislike, or disapproval of people. This may attract volleys of dishonesty and falsifying, but its not. If you can't read between the lines and understand non-verbal communication, you'd miss it entirely.

So I suppose that I may lose friends again with this blog. But I really have difficulty understanding the point of the pseudo-independent blog. The availability of expression does not necessarily require its use, nor does it make it valid.

HGTV: The First Big Sign I'm Past 30

I just realized something today. I spend entirely way too much time watching shows on HGTV named "Curb Appeal," "Divine Design," "Design Remix," "House Hunters," "Mission: Organization," and "Kitchen Trends." What happened to me?

The big three oh, that's what. It seemed that the moment I turned 30, I started watching HGTV. Whereas July of this same year, I pooh poohed HGTV as the biggest waste of cable bandwidth, after August 12th, I actually chose to watch it over "Girls Next Door," the reality show with some of Hugh Hefner's "wimmins."

This is all the more sad, given that one of my favorite shows is "Old School" and one of my favorite scenes is when the college guys ask Will what he's doing this weekend. He basically replies, "Oh you know, going to Home Depot and if we've got some time Bed Bath and Beyond." Of course, then, I laughed out loud and thought, "No way am I ever going that route." (Insert Gorilla noises here with a healthy amount of body scratching for effect)

But then today, when there was a small pause in "Divine Design" which allowed the TV to be blank and the screen to act as a partially effective mirror - I saw myself sitting on the couch holding my dog, watching an interior design show. Even worse, I actually thought to myself, "Wow, some of these design chicks are hot."

Now, some of the uninformed out there may think, "Well, I'm sure if you turn 30 and you own a house, you'd want to start to do stuff with it." Well, that'd be a little mroe understandable if true, but truth be told, I own no house. We rent a townhouse, to which 90% of the stuff I see on HGTV can't be applied. Damn this crazy real estate market (future blog warning).

Somewhere within my emasculated self, there really is a man. No serious.

Anyways, enough messing around. Gotta get back to the TV - "Design Remix" is coming on soon! Oooh and that chick is hot too... or at least I'm rationalizing she is.

Friendship and Loyalty

I figure that my blog is poorly read these days. No doubt because of my infrequent and haphazard posting patterns. That said, I do say what I feel and I always qualify to my friends who read it that they may not like what they read - but its who I am and that's just what it is.

I was lucky to have loyal friends. They would stand behind me NO matter the situation. If I broke up with a girl, they'd be on my side no matter the situation. Especially in the initial breakup period - they would not put me in a situation where I'd be uncomfortable. For example, especially if the girl wasn't a good friend of theirs, they would not invite her to a get together if they knew I was coming for sure.

That's loyalty to a certain extent. But its loyalty out of understanding which is what I treasure even more. My word of advice to those who consider themselves close friends of someone else - be mindful of their feelings and the choices they have made. If you're truly a great friend, you won't force upon them an uncomfortable situation. My truly loyal friends never did and still never have - and for that reason I respect them highly.

Mustangs and Bimmers: The Worst Drivers EVER Part 1

I like to think I'm a decent driver. Granted, I totalled my S4 (which I blame on working 42 hours straight at the hospital no sleep and very little to eat/drink) have gotten into a few minor 5mph fender benders and have 2 speeding tickets. However, none of those times did I crash because of my inability to control my car. Rather, I just made some careless mistakes.

I find the most dangerous drivers are the pseudo-race drivers. Those whose greatest track experience was vegging out in front of the TV screen playing Gran Turismo 3 or 4 (I'm still on 3 - it takes forever to finish that game). Somehow that experience empowers these pseudo racers to drive all crazy on the real roads.

Luckily, traffic, traction control, and FWD/AWD cars have all blunted the damage caused by the pseudo racer by being engineered to just push straight ahead when the car reaches its limits - a condition called understeer. Even with the exorbitant amount of big winged, chrome rimmed, and coffee can exhausted Civics out there, they still don't really lose control horribly.

RWD cars on the other hand, are completely different animals. First, you need to not make abrupt moves with the car to disrupt the rear traction. Second, you need to know exactly at what point does the rear end breaks loose. Third, once the rear end swings wide, you have to know how to bring it back into line without causing the counter spin which is what causes most of the accidents. How does one learn this? Not on Gran Turismo.

Fortunately, most luxury manufacturers put in Traction control which allows you to enjoy 90% of the car's handling ability while reigning in the most retarded maneuvers. While some driving purists say that that last 10% is necessary to enjoy the car's full limits - there is absolutely NO reason to be doing that on a public road unless you're a test driver for Porsche or an automotive journalist. Take it to teh track and explore that last 10% safely.

The problem lies in the fact that there is a large percentage of Mustang drivers out there (I'm not generalizing to all but it sure seems like a lot of them are Mustang drivers) who don't realize this. Their cars are mostly from 1-2 generations ago and most do NOT have traction control and are RWD. More importantly, most mustang owners have not attended a driver or racing school to learn the limits of adhesion (I attended the Skip Barber Racing school and I learned a ton - and I drive an AWD car).

So what happens? The Mustangs can come with a lot of power for cheap. The owners get overzealous in "showing off" the badness of that pony car and let er rip. That rear beam axle is great for straight line driving but once the end gets wide for any reason - most can't reign it in without losing control. As a result they, or even worse, someone else gets hurt.

As a trauma doctor, I see a ton of car accidents. Surprisingly, the "what car do you drive?" question is often answered with a "souped up Mustang doc." No kidding. It happens all the time.

Now, I love the new mustang. Shout out to that Vietnamese designer (sort of ironic how the rednecks will be driving a muscle car penned by a quiet Vietnamese dude) for drawing such a beautiful example of an American muscle car. I love mustangs in general. Great performance for the price. That said, I can't say the same about the drivers. Its like surgery really: In the hands of an educated, informed person the scalpel is an expert tool. In the hands of a noneducated, arrogant prick, its downright lethal.

Part 2 will discuss Bimmer drivers. I have a ton of friends who are Bimmer owners - and they don't apply. These are the kind that you know you roll your eyes at.

The County

When I was an intern at the county hospital in Oakland, I hated the place. It smelled, patients berated you, you got worked 120 hours per week, the nurses hated you, and you knew nothing. Worse than that, you had to be the phlebotomist, transport, janitor, nurse, radiology tech, and lab tech all at the same time. I was always worried that my ability might fail me and I might not be as good of a doctor as I wanted to be.

Things have changed since I've come back. It helps they built a new wing of the hospital with up to date ERs and radiology suites, but I think that maturity has led me to understand the true purpose of the county hospital. It serves those who wouldn't normally get state of the art care. Granted, most patients are rude and sometimes aggressive, but 20% of the patients I see are truly grateful for the availibility of leading edge care and some patients remind me of my own immigrant upbringing. I like it a lot more these days.

It's still stressful though. In fact, moreso now that I'm higher in my training. A lot more of the life and death situations fall upon my shoulders and I'm ready, but scared all at once. I never really was trained to face 3 gunshot woudns in 2 minutes as can happen at the county. Nor was I trained to use my adrenaline and instinct to crack open a patient's chest, clamp their aorta, and massage the heart directly to bring someone back to life. Those are things I never imagined I'd be doing when I was a kid.

What I've come to realize most though, is that while stress is ever present in teh county, there's only so much you can do. And if I've given my best in effort and ability, than that's all I can be. I'm supremely confident in my ability to be a surgeon, but if for some reason, I don't do it as well as others - I'm comfortable with that.

Its been awhile....

I haven't had much time to post the past two months. Life at the hospital flows much faster than I'm able to dictate. I end up floating in the raging river we call healthcare hoping that my little course corrections here and there will be enough. Here's a summary of what's been happening in my recent life... more specific blogs to come:

The Hospitals
Really the last two months at the hospital has dominated my life. For those who don't know, I'm a surgery resident in the East Bay area. My first month was at Highland Hospital - the county/city hospital for the Oakland metro and surrounding area. This is where all the city/county's indigent population goes for regular medical/surgical care and where most of the trauma patients come within the vicinity. The trauma care here is one of the best in the nation - as we see so much of it. On trauma call nights, I'm the primary physician in charge of the care of every trauma patient that comes through the door - from the drunk that fell down and hit his head to the blood that got shot in the heart to the elderly woman who got t-boned at 65mph. Its busy, its hectic, its "ER" like (if you've ever seen it) and it requires more than half hearted attempts at charity - it requires skill, timing, heroism, and, more than all of that - heart. The other half of work there revolves around taking care of the people who have no insurance. Its heartbreaking to see so many people who are left without insurance in our society - especially the immigrants who mirror my family so much. That's why I love this hospital more than anything. What we do there defines altruism in the face of mounting difficulties and public inattention.

The second hospital is Kaiser Oakland. Its a private hospital, so the patients are more normal. That said, I like it less - mainly because so much of the care there revolves around customer service rather than actual patient care. We operate a lot there. And I certainly have learned a lot working there, but it just doesn't feel as fulfilling as "The County" as we put it.

Suffice it to say, after two months, I've learned why I love surgery so. In what other field can you have another human being trust you so much to have you cut them open and care for them afterwards? In what other field do you have to have not only the want, but the ability to make life or death decisions in seconds - without all of the data yet available to you? In what other field can you actually say that you can "crack a chest open, cut open a patient's heart, put a stitch in it, squeeze it, and bring a patient back to life... all in 30 seconds?" No other field I know - and that's why I love what I do.

My Audi
Uh, not much to say here other than it underwent a catastrophic shutdown right when I needed to get to the hospital. Long story short, I was on the way to work early Sunday AM when my engine started running rough - barely able to get to speed. I got nearly to the hopsital when the clutch pedal stopped working. Needing to be at the hospital (there's no such thing as taking a day off unless I'm dead or dying), I had to somehow get it there. I coaxed the car into the hospital parking lot but with a lot of difficulty and damage from teh clutch.

The next morning, I called a towing company to tow my car to the Audi dealership. First of all, I wanted to tow to my dealership - who I've trusted.. until now. I did but it took a whole day given that the tow truck driver had tos top to bayview first to do something. Over the next 3 weeks my car was held hostage as the horrific service by Carlsen Audi in Palo Alto was instituted. First, they took 2 days to figure out what I already knew when it went down - the coilpack was dead. Second, they claimed that the clutch burned because of my fault - forgetting that the clutch burned because the coilpack died causing my clutch to work harder than it normally would to get me to the hospital. Third, they never got my car back in teh timely manner I wished for. It took them a full week after the initial promise date to actually deliver my car.

It was one of the worst handled services I've ever seen. It killed me.. and my poor car. It inconveninced my work schedule - which means that I have to take time from taking care of patients to take care of this dumb issue because the dealership couldn't.

Enough ranting about that though...

Hawaii
Somehow I got allocated my one month vacation 2 months after I've been on research - which is much less work than being at the hospital working up to 100 hours a week.

So we went to Hawaii, and I'm in love. More to come on my next few blogs... I just have to catch up. If I ended up here in Maui the rest of my life - I'd have no worries at all, except how to make ends meet to live here.

That's all for now... I'll be blogging more and more shortly in the future.