Finding Inner Peace with the Money Ball
I suppose that I can blog about things on request. It shouldn't be that difficult, as I figure that I write about anything anyways. Nothing of real importance, but semi-interesting nonetheless. Besides, if I can't discuss every and all issues that surround me, what kind of sorry, fraudulent blogger would I be?
Alas, a topic has been requested. It involves an office sport. What is an office sport? Well, its anything that allows the office participants the opportunity to compete against each other for some sad glory. Anything can be made into an office sport. Have a hanger and some paper? Time to fabricate a bat and play some office baseball. Have a wastebasket and some fruitcake? Its time to partake in a clean version of cowchip tossing. Finally, got a slippery rock and a broom? Hallway curling is your game. Of course, whatever the office sport may be, it needs to be easily concealable - points will be deducted for a sudden appearance of the boss in the middle of the competition.
An important note: the word "office" does not necessarily limit office sports to a true office. Rather it is a general category of sports that can be invented, recreated, or just plain hammered out in any workplace.
At our laboratory, we have developed a variety of office sports. One has risen above the rest as the preferred mode of friendly (and sometimes physically dangerous) competition. The Money Ball. What is the Money Ball? Its best described as a Snowmanian interpretation of the famous 3 point shootout held during the NBA's all star weekend. The purpose? To score as many points within a given time period purely... uh make that.. mainly on shooting skill alone. The equipment? A nerf hoop and 2 balls (one Nerf the other Huffy - both of different size and weight). The original game involved making as many shots in 1 minute from approximately 15 feet away - each basket counting as one point. Since then, there have been variations, as I will document below.
Variation One: The Money Ball is introduced. In response to lagging audience interest and shooter participation, the concept of the Money Ball was initiated into play. The money ball is simply the last shot of the 1 minute period to leave the shooters hand. If this particular shot is good, the point value is 4 instead of 1. As you can see, this made competition harder for the, Mr. Snowman, favorite initially. Mr. Snowman has since mastered the Money Ball.
Variation Two: The Money Ball Vaudeville is introduced. While the Money Ball still holds its own in entertainment value, it was thought that adding a creative element to the Money Ball shot would spur artistic and audience fulfillment. It has indeed. Prior to shooting the moneyball, the shooter may choose to perform or mimic any type of public display of artistry within their abilities. If the artistry is of high merit, the shooter may earn 5 points on the money ball versus 4. There has not yet been a five point money ball shot made, however attempts have come close. Of the lab participants, Mr. JFunk has had the most creative and outrageously inventive performances ever witnessed.
Variation Three: The Snowman Handicap. In the interests of good competition, the Snowman Handicap was introduced. Borne out of the visible displays of frustration (throwing balls at the rebounder in disgust, kicking lab equipment, shoving audience members) by the other two most frequent participants (Mr. JFunk and Mr. Mango Thunder), the Handicap was an idea by Ms. Hsieh to level the playing field. What handicaps are allowed? Anything that increases the chances of Mr. Snowman failing. So far, Mr. Snowman has shot with heavy gloves, a one eyed patch, weights taped to his shooting arm, after being bled, and on one leg. No handicap is yet known to be a consistently successful one with statistical signficance. Currently, other handicap ideas are being devised.
Variation Four: The Medley. In combination with the Money Ball, this variation is the most enjoyed by the participants. Conceived by the participants to introduce a certain level of running ability (rebounding, running from station to station, and retreiving poorly thrown rebounds) the Medley has quickly led to many a classic game. Basically, 30 seconds are allotted to the shooter to make as many shots at each station. There are 3 stations, at 7 feet, 15 feet, and 20 feet. A total of one minute and thirty seconds are allotted for the completion of the whole round. The Money Ball is the last shot from 20 feet. Initially, Mr. Snowman's dominance was challenged by the others in the new format. Sadly, amazingly, incredibly, (call it what you will) but not unexpectedly, he has regained his former dominance - so much so, that his current interest is not in beating Mr. JFunk and Mr. Mango Thunder, but in setting a new all time record or simply beating the others' combined score.
So why play the Money Ball? As the title states, there is a sense of inner peace that can be found playing the money ball. While it is easy to see how it can be beneficial to Mr. Snowman, it still is of great benefit for the souls of Mr. JFunk and Mr. Mango Thunder. While they consistently lose and express frustration, they realize that the Money Ball affords them a slight moment of peace during the hectic and stressful lab work. Gels running long, cells getting contaminated with Fungi, experiments resulting in data opposite from expected, and overall laboratory doldrums can be made light in the face of a spirited game of Money Ball.
I implore all of the readers to learn and participate in the Money Ball game. While it cannot erase your careless mistakes, society's assholes, or rainy days, it will allow you some peace during these increasingly hectic times. Every ounce of happiness counts and let the Money Ball be that extra ounce that pushes you into euphoria.
Alas, a topic has been requested. It involves an office sport. What is an office sport? Well, its anything that allows the office participants the opportunity to compete against each other for some sad glory. Anything can be made into an office sport. Have a hanger and some paper? Time to fabricate a bat and play some office baseball. Have a wastebasket and some fruitcake? Its time to partake in a clean version of cowchip tossing. Finally, got a slippery rock and a broom? Hallway curling is your game. Of course, whatever the office sport may be, it needs to be easily concealable - points will be deducted for a sudden appearance of the boss in the middle of the competition.
An important note: the word "office" does not necessarily limit office sports to a true office. Rather it is a general category of sports that can be invented, recreated, or just plain hammered out in any workplace.
At our laboratory, we have developed a variety of office sports. One has risen above the rest as the preferred mode of friendly (and sometimes physically dangerous) competition. The Money Ball. What is the Money Ball? Its best described as a Snowmanian interpretation of the famous 3 point shootout held during the NBA's all star weekend. The purpose? To score as many points within a given time period purely... uh make that.. mainly on shooting skill alone. The equipment? A nerf hoop and 2 balls (one Nerf the other Huffy - both of different size and weight). The original game involved making as many shots in 1 minute from approximately 15 feet away - each basket counting as one point. Since then, there have been variations, as I will document below.
Variation One: The Money Ball is introduced. In response to lagging audience interest and shooter participation, the concept of the Money Ball was initiated into play. The money ball is simply the last shot of the 1 minute period to leave the shooters hand. If this particular shot is good, the point value is 4 instead of 1. As you can see, this made competition harder for the, Mr. Snowman, favorite initially. Mr. Snowman has since mastered the Money Ball.
Variation Two: The Money Ball Vaudeville is introduced. While the Money Ball still holds its own in entertainment value, it was thought that adding a creative element to the Money Ball shot would spur artistic and audience fulfillment. It has indeed. Prior to shooting the moneyball, the shooter may choose to perform or mimic any type of public display of artistry within their abilities. If the artistry is of high merit, the shooter may earn 5 points on the money ball versus 4. There has not yet been a five point money ball shot made, however attempts have come close. Of the lab participants, Mr. JFunk has had the most creative and outrageously inventive performances ever witnessed.
Variation Three: The Snowman Handicap. In the interests of good competition, the Snowman Handicap was introduced. Borne out of the visible displays of frustration (throwing balls at the rebounder in disgust, kicking lab equipment, shoving audience members) by the other two most frequent participants (Mr. JFunk and Mr. Mango Thunder), the Handicap was an idea by Ms. Hsieh to level the playing field. What handicaps are allowed? Anything that increases the chances of Mr. Snowman failing. So far, Mr. Snowman has shot with heavy gloves, a one eyed patch, weights taped to his shooting arm, after being bled, and on one leg. No handicap is yet known to be a consistently successful one with statistical signficance. Currently, other handicap ideas are being devised.
Variation Four: The Medley. In combination with the Money Ball, this variation is the most enjoyed by the participants. Conceived by the participants to introduce a certain level of running ability (rebounding, running from station to station, and retreiving poorly thrown rebounds) the Medley has quickly led to many a classic game. Basically, 30 seconds are allotted to the shooter to make as many shots at each station. There are 3 stations, at 7 feet, 15 feet, and 20 feet. A total of one minute and thirty seconds are allotted for the completion of the whole round. The Money Ball is the last shot from 20 feet. Initially, Mr. Snowman's dominance was challenged by the others in the new format. Sadly, amazingly, incredibly, (call it what you will) but not unexpectedly, he has regained his former dominance - so much so, that his current interest is not in beating Mr. JFunk and Mr. Mango Thunder, but in setting a new all time record or simply beating the others' combined score.
So why play the Money Ball? As the title states, there is a sense of inner peace that can be found playing the money ball. While it is easy to see how it can be beneficial to Mr. Snowman, it still is of great benefit for the souls of Mr. JFunk and Mr. Mango Thunder. While they consistently lose and express frustration, they realize that the Money Ball affords them a slight moment of peace during the hectic and stressful lab work. Gels running long, cells getting contaminated with Fungi, experiments resulting in data opposite from expected, and overall laboratory doldrums can be made light in the face of a spirited game of Money Ball.
I implore all of the readers to learn and participate in the Money Ball game. While it cannot erase your careless mistakes, society's assholes, or rainy days, it will allow you some peace during these increasingly hectic times. Every ounce of happiness counts and let the Money Ball be that extra ounce that pushes you into euphoria.
posted by Richard at 1:08 PM
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