Debauchery Revisited (Guest Blog by Chi): A Sober Perspective
Richard requested that I “guest blog” on his site because he’s still pretty woozy and hazy about the whole evening. As the lone sober wolf in this outing, I have to say that intimate knowledge (and photographic evidence) of this sordid tale will keep me a wealthy woman for years to come. Why? Because I will need to be bribed heavily should anyone in the group have political ambitions in the future. I have a memory like an elephant and the soulless nature that would use it to further my own agenda without the weight of a guilty conscience. It’s best to read this in conjunction with the photo album
Part I: Hello Kitty!!
It began with an auspicious get together consisting of massive quantities of food (beef, shrimp and butter) and alcohol. Terry, the birthday boy (aka Queen Kitty), was the guest of honor. Being the adolescent girl that he is, with a secret passion for Sanrio products, I felt it was best to have a pink Hello Kitty theme (although Richard coaxed me into skipping on the giant pink balloons, the pink Hello Kitty scented candles and the Hello Kitty piñata). I completely underestimated Terry’s love of all things pink and Hello Kitty. I have never seen anyone more excited than Terry when he opened his Hello Kitty gift bag to find a box of Hello Kitty cookies – and then to discover that they were individually wrapped sent Terry into fits of enchantment and wonder.
Richard manned the meat station and kept everyone well stocked with buttered beef and shrimp. He would douse himself in eau de buttered beef cologne if it were socially acceptable. After all the food, beer, cake, Alex’s dangerous alcoholic concoction and many silly group pictures later, the group harnessed their energy and headed out to Palo Alto F&A’s to look for trouble. Christine felt inclined to seek revenge on Terry for all of her previous forays into the dark underbelly of Terry’s alcoholic world. She was spurred on by Terry’s pathetic plea to take pity on him because Minna was visiting for the weekend and he did not want to overindulge. He should have kept quiet… Christine’s famous last words, “Let’s get Terry f*cked up cuz it’s PAYBACK time!!!” Ah, little did we know how true those words rang… Unfortunately, in the process of getting Terry messed up, they undid themselves as well…
Part II: Tomfoolery and Shenanigans!
Upon arriving at the bar entrance, I was outraged at the prospect of being forced to pay a $5 cover charge per person. Summoning the rusty (yet tried and true techniques perfected in my college days) persuasive skills set I’ve accumulated over the years through various means, the bouncers were duly convinced that at the very least, the women should not be required to pay the cover charge. We were promptly invited to enter at their pleasure. The boys, on the other hand, were left to their own devices.
Immediately upon entrance into the bar, the boys (i.e. Alex) set off to obtain enough alcohol to irrigate the entire Saharan desert. Within the first 15 minutes, they had downed enough hard liquor shots to make me comatose (but I’m a lightweight, so I guess it doesn’t count). It was a bad premonition of things to come… Since Richard often accuses me of being longwinded (and with good reason), here are the highlights: Terry acquires an entourage of (old and haggard-looking) married ladies (very convincing in his baby blue hoodie and beads); everyone takes turns calling Terry’s friend Bae to rub it in that we were getting Terry completely f*cked up; Christine calling Terry’s brother Albert to tell him that she wears Spider-Man underwear (oh wait, that was a different night); some strange, freaky-looking chick flashing Terry her boobs in exchange for his beads; Terry telling Richard repeatedly that he loves him; Christine and Vicky putting on their beer goggles and beginning the mating ritual with two tattooed and pierced young boy toys on the dance floor; Richard explaining to Chris how to earn a man card, even though Richard himself does not possess one (his is safely tucked in my purse); and the group consumption of massive amounts of alcohol.
Part III: Beer Goggles On!!
By midnight, everyone was well on their way to being wasted. All those hard liquor shots finally caught up to Richard and smacked him. After taking him home to start the suddenly too familiar ritual of praying to the porcelain god (direct quote: “just let me nap here… the porcelain is so cool on my hot skin”), I drove back to the bar to pick up the group. As I was rounding the corner, a flurry of activity caught my eye. At first glance, I didn’t think much of it—just another drunken, horny couple making out on the side of the building. Then I did a double-take. Oh my GOD!! It was Christine—sucking face with one of the pierced and tattooed young things!!! I pulled up to the front of the building and in my best drill sergeant imitation, ordered everyone to get in the car. Alex and Chris extracted Christine from the octopus-tentacles of her boy toy and forced her into the car. Terry and Minna went off in search of Vicky, who was re-enacting the same scene I had just witnessed with Christine with her own pierced and tattooed boy toy.
After getting everyone back to my house, I could hear Richard still waking up the dead with his puking noises in our bedroom bathroom. Christine promptly passed out on the living room floor (and eventually made it into Richard’s music listening room); Vicky made a beeline for the other bathroom to do her own purging (aided by the benevolent Minna); Terry was so hammered he couldn’t see or walk straight and continuously apologizing to me, telling me he was getting all choked up, that he loved Richard so much, and making flowery speeches to me in Korean; Chris being resourceful and finding an alternative urinal in the form of my front bushes; and Alex doing his best to keep everyone hydrated by constant offerings of water.
By 6am, I had not yet slept a wink and I was exhausted. It was certainly an interesting experience, having adopted 7 drunken children. My neighbors in this hoity toity neighborhood are quite horrified. I find it incredulous that three of these drunken buffoons are actually doctors. Note to self: never get sick and never require medical attention from my husband, Terry or Christine. All in all, I hope Terry found it a memorable way to celebrate his 30th birthday. Unfortunately, after that night’s antics, it has guaranteed him permanent bachelorhood.
Part I: Hello Kitty!!
It began with an auspicious get together consisting of massive quantities of food (beef, shrimp and butter) and alcohol. Terry, the birthday boy (aka Queen Kitty), was the guest of honor. Being the adolescent girl that he is, with a secret passion for Sanrio products, I felt it was best to have a pink Hello Kitty theme (although Richard coaxed me into skipping on the giant pink balloons, the pink Hello Kitty scented candles and the Hello Kitty piñata). I completely underestimated Terry’s love of all things pink and Hello Kitty. I have never seen anyone more excited than Terry when he opened his Hello Kitty gift bag to find a box of Hello Kitty cookies – and then to discover that they were individually wrapped sent Terry into fits of enchantment and wonder.
Richard manned the meat station and kept everyone well stocked with buttered beef and shrimp. He would douse himself in eau de buttered beef cologne if it were socially acceptable. After all the food, beer, cake, Alex’s dangerous alcoholic concoction and many silly group pictures later, the group harnessed their energy and headed out to Palo Alto F&A’s to look for trouble. Christine felt inclined to seek revenge on Terry for all of her previous forays into the dark underbelly of Terry’s alcoholic world. She was spurred on by Terry’s pathetic plea to take pity on him because Minna was visiting for the weekend and he did not want to overindulge. He should have kept quiet… Christine’s famous last words, “Let’s get Terry f*cked up cuz it’s PAYBACK time!!!” Ah, little did we know how true those words rang… Unfortunately, in the process of getting Terry messed up, they undid themselves as well…
Part II: Tomfoolery and Shenanigans!
Upon arriving at the bar entrance, I was outraged at the prospect of being forced to pay a $5 cover charge per person. Summoning the rusty (yet tried and true techniques perfected in my college days) persuasive skills set I’ve accumulated over the years through various means, the bouncers were duly convinced that at the very least, the women should not be required to pay the cover charge. We were promptly invited to enter at their pleasure. The boys, on the other hand, were left to their own devices.
Immediately upon entrance into the bar, the boys (i.e. Alex) set off to obtain enough alcohol to irrigate the entire Saharan desert. Within the first 15 minutes, they had downed enough hard liquor shots to make me comatose (but I’m a lightweight, so I guess it doesn’t count). It was a bad premonition of things to come… Since Richard often accuses me of being longwinded (and with good reason), here are the highlights: Terry acquires an entourage of (old and haggard-looking) married ladies (very convincing in his baby blue hoodie and beads); everyone takes turns calling Terry’s friend Bae to rub it in that we were getting Terry completely f*cked up; Christine calling Terry’s brother Albert to tell him that she wears Spider-Man underwear (oh wait, that was a different night); some strange, freaky-looking chick flashing Terry her boobs in exchange for his beads; Terry telling Richard repeatedly that he loves him; Christine and Vicky putting on their beer goggles and beginning the mating ritual with two tattooed and pierced young boy toys on the dance floor; Richard explaining to Chris how to earn a man card, even though Richard himself does not possess one (his is safely tucked in my purse); and the group consumption of massive amounts of alcohol.
Part III: Beer Goggles On!!
By midnight, everyone was well on their way to being wasted. All those hard liquor shots finally caught up to Richard and smacked him. After taking him home to start the suddenly too familiar ritual of praying to the porcelain god (direct quote: “just let me nap here… the porcelain is so cool on my hot skin”), I drove back to the bar to pick up the group. As I was rounding the corner, a flurry of activity caught my eye. At first glance, I didn’t think much of it—just another drunken, horny couple making out on the side of the building. Then I did a double-take. Oh my GOD!! It was Christine—sucking face with one of the pierced and tattooed young things!!! I pulled up to the front of the building and in my best drill sergeant imitation, ordered everyone to get in the car. Alex and Chris extracted Christine from the octopus-tentacles of her boy toy and forced her into the car. Terry and Minna went off in search of Vicky, who was re-enacting the same scene I had just witnessed with Christine with her own pierced and tattooed boy toy.
After getting everyone back to my house, I could hear Richard still waking up the dead with his puking noises in our bedroom bathroom. Christine promptly passed out on the living room floor (and eventually made it into Richard’s music listening room); Vicky made a beeline for the other bathroom to do her own purging (aided by the benevolent Minna); Terry was so hammered he couldn’t see or walk straight and continuously apologizing to me, telling me he was getting all choked up, that he loved Richard so much, and making flowery speeches to me in Korean; Chris being resourceful and finding an alternative urinal in the form of my front bushes; and Alex doing his best to keep everyone hydrated by constant offerings of water.
By 6am, I had not yet slept a wink and I was exhausted. It was certainly an interesting experience, having adopted 7 drunken children. My neighbors in this hoity toity neighborhood are quite horrified. I find it incredulous that three of these drunken buffoons are actually doctors. Note to self: never get sick and never require medical attention from my husband, Terry or Christine. All in all, I hope Terry found it a memorable way to celebrate his 30th birthday. Unfortunately, after that night’s antics, it has guaranteed him permanent bachelorhood.
posted by Richard at 11:48 PM
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