BDS
You know when I have to start my blog with a warning, there is a strong possibility I will offend someone. So I warn anyone with a fragile mind, a pure heart, or a prude spirit to STAY AWAY from the following blog.
Last year, while I was on a particularly grueling rotation at the hospital, my chief, my intern, and I were sitting outside at a table post-call, hoping that somehow we could make it home before evening. Despite our fatigue, our ability to appreciate good looking women was not in any way decreased. From our left came an incredibly attractive twentysomething year old female walking down the street right in front of us. KY (initials, not the lubricant), my intern, nearly fell off his chair. HM, my chief, just stopped talking. I just started laughing as the two "single" men were reduced to silent, wide-eyed, clumsy children. Then, as the shimmering day (inside joke to Chi and Chris) enlightened her blond hair and engaging smile, we noticed a fast moving object coming from the right. This object was a disheveled, unshaven, entirely out of shape (not slightly, but very), funny-lookin' guy. To the horror of HM and KY, he hugged and kissed her right in front of us!
In addition to the the unsightly display of PDA, the befuddlement of HM and KY was directed towards the contrast in appearance between these two individuals. "That's some f**ked up sh*t man," exclaimed an obviously perturbed HM. "I know, see, something is wrong here Rich," observed the slickly astute KY. "How does a guy like that end up with a girl like her?" asked the now stumped HM. "BDS," I replied curtly. "What's BDS Rich?" asked a quizzical KY. "Big Dick Syndrome."
What's BDS? Crudely put, its when a guy has a big dick, or just knows how to use it real well. Let's deal in hypotheticals (as I know that both Chi and Dawn love hypotheticals). Take a man and a woman and make all other things equal except in appearance. Money, power, life outlook, personality, etc. are not widely different. If the man looks to be an "average joe," while the woman is an absolute stunner, the guy has BDS. It can even apply to personality. Maybe the guy is an absolute asshole, looks decent and the girl is a sweetheart. More likely than not, the guy has BDS.
Before people pound me by critiquing my shallowness, crudeness, and paucity of decency, I must clarify that having BDS doesn't necessarily mean that you are at the high end of the anatomical bell curve. More likely than not, having BDS means that your brain was fortunately programmed with the correct instructions on the usage of your anatomy. You got the program that was written by women. The male written version of that program is about two lines of code (speed = fast, time limit = 1 minute), with no looping. The female version of that program is quite long, with a million parameters, and loops constantly. Unfortunately, the older you get, the harder it is to hack the female version of the instructions into your brain, so learn it at a young age.
The corollary of this is that one can have TDS too. If you've ever seen a heterosexual guy who is nice, good lookin' (of course I am talking to the women now, I know you guys aren't looking at other guys), intelligent, and wealthy and he is single or never with someone? Tiny Dick Syndrome must be his ailment. Well, either that or just a real bad case of halitosis. TDS refers to in part to small anatomy but also to the inability to use normal or even large anatomy. The architect forgot to program the female written instructions into their brains.
Through all of this, I am not implying that this should be the first thing on a woman's list of features to shop for. The size of anything (feet, knees, toes, earlobes, eyes, boobs, elbows or even belly buttons) should not be the deciding factor in who you end up with. If you do find the right person and are in love with them, having TDS or BDS shouldn't really matter (if you haven't already picked up, this is the "disclaimer" paragraph - I seem to need that more often these days) Really, BDS/TDS Theory is just an observation of sorts and an attempted explanation for all those seemingly odd couples.
Last year, while I was on a particularly grueling rotation at the hospital, my chief, my intern, and I were sitting outside at a table post-call, hoping that somehow we could make it home before evening. Despite our fatigue, our ability to appreciate good looking women was not in any way decreased. From our left came an incredibly attractive twentysomething year old female walking down the street right in front of us. KY (initials, not the lubricant), my intern, nearly fell off his chair. HM, my chief, just stopped talking. I just started laughing as the two "single" men were reduced to silent, wide-eyed, clumsy children. Then, as the shimmering day (inside joke to Chi and Chris) enlightened her blond hair and engaging smile, we noticed a fast moving object coming from the right. This object was a disheveled, unshaven, entirely out of shape (not slightly, but very), funny-lookin' guy. To the horror of HM and KY, he hugged and kissed her right in front of us!
In addition to the the unsightly display of PDA, the befuddlement of HM and KY was directed towards the contrast in appearance between these two individuals. "That's some f**ked up sh*t man," exclaimed an obviously perturbed HM. "I know, see, something is wrong here Rich," observed the slickly astute KY. "How does a guy like that end up with a girl like her?" asked the now stumped HM. "BDS," I replied curtly. "What's BDS Rich?" asked a quizzical KY. "Big Dick Syndrome."
What's BDS? Crudely put, its when a guy has a big dick, or just knows how to use it real well. Let's deal in hypotheticals (as I know that both Chi and Dawn love hypotheticals). Take a man and a woman and make all other things equal except in appearance. Money, power, life outlook, personality, etc. are not widely different. If the man looks to be an "average joe," while the woman is an absolute stunner, the guy has BDS. It can even apply to personality. Maybe the guy is an absolute asshole, looks decent and the girl is a sweetheart. More likely than not, the guy has BDS.
Before people pound me by critiquing my shallowness, crudeness, and paucity of decency, I must clarify that having BDS doesn't necessarily mean that you are at the high end of the anatomical bell curve. More likely than not, having BDS means that your brain was fortunately programmed with the correct instructions on the usage of your anatomy. You got the program that was written by women. The male written version of that program is about two lines of code (speed = fast, time limit = 1 minute), with no looping. The female version of that program is quite long, with a million parameters, and loops constantly. Unfortunately, the older you get, the harder it is to hack the female version of the instructions into your brain, so learn it at a young age.
The corollary of this is that one can have TDS too. If you've ever seen a heterosexual guy who is nice, good lookin' (of course I am talking to the women now, I know you guys aren't looking at other guys), intelligent, and wealthy and he is single or never with someone? Tiny Dick Syndrome must be his ailment. Well, either that or just a real bad case of halitosis. TDS refers to in part to small anatomy but also to the inability to use normal or even large anatomy. The architect forgot to program the female written instructions into their brains.
Through all of this, I am not implying that this should be the first thing on a woman's list of features to shop for. The size of anything (feet, knees, toes, earlobes, eyes, boobs, elbows or even belly buttons) should not be the deciding factor in who you end up with. If you do find the right person and are in love with them, having TDS or BDS shouldn't really matter (if you haven't already picked up, this is the "disclaimer" paragraph - I seem to need that more often these days) Really, BDS/TDS Theory is just an observation of sorts and an attempted explanation for all those seemingly odd couples.
posted by Richard at 12:21 PM
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