Bad coffee
How hard is it to make coffee? Especially when you're an established franchise that specializes in overcharging the general public for extract from a bean? Well, one particular Starbuck's establishment seems to mess up my coffee every time. Especially this morning.
All I ask for is their bold blend coffee with vanilla syrup and room for cream. Sounds easy doesn't it? Well, every time I go there, they mess it up. The most common mistake is not putting in the vanilla syrup. It happens 2 out of every 3 visits. All it requires is three squirts from their syrup bottle. So usually I sip it first to make sure. And when I ask them to add it when they didn't, they look at me as if I need anger management.
The second mistake that is always made is not giving me room for cream. They fill it up to the brim. I bring my own cup (as a favor for my tree huggin', oatmeal eating friends), which is designed with a 1" high brim to keep from spilling in my poorly designed car cupholder. However, it needs about 1 cm or so room beneath it since it dips low into the actual cup. Well, one out of three visits they fill it up to the brim. So when I add my non-fat milk (which tastes and looks like water with white food coloring) I'm at the limit. At the condiments (I guess you call it that) stand, I sit there for a minute trying to decide, "Should I risk the two packets of sugar.. that might put it over the top." I add the sugar everytime, but I'm indecisive like that sometimes (funny I'm decisive about life or death situations... but sugar stifles me). After getting in my car, another decision awaits. Should I poor out some or just try to drive REAL slow (ie simulate driving a tree huggin', oatmeal eatin' friend's favorite car - a supersubcompact 15hp car that gets 50mpg). Depending on the day, I go 50/50 either way.. but I feel horribly guilty about dumping that precious 20 mL of coffee.
The last coffee serving infraction involves caramel syrup. Every other coffee place I know gets it right when I say, "Grande coffee with caramel syrup and room for cream." Of course this particular one gets it wrong. They actually put in one squirt of real caramel. Which is great if I was eating ice cream, but adds no flavor to the coffee. So when I come back saying, "Could I get some caramel syrup, I think you forgot to add it." They say, "We did already." I say, "No you didn't, you added caramel SAUCE." Again, they look at me like I forgot that I am in THE Starbucks and drinking THEIR coffee and how dare I even suggest that they can't serve it right.
So why don't I go to another Starbucks you ask? Well, I like driving an extra 5 minutes in the morning. Let's my engine warm up. Gives me a chance to catch an extra 5 minutes of Trance. But I think the biggest reason is so I can have hope in the morning. Just hope that they do it right for once. Just ONE TIME... help a brotha out!
For awhile, I thought it might be because I gave them the "I don't like change in my pocket" tip. You all know what I mean. So a couple of times, I gave a whole dollar to the same person... hoping that they'd notice and that the next morning, they'd get it right. Nope. Didn't matter. So now I go no tip at all, which means I don't get the "Have a nice day" that everyone else gets. Plus, why should I tip a place that serves overpriced coffee to chain store lovin' fast wallets like me? I really should make my own coffee. But I convince myself every morning that those retards at Starbucks put more TLC in their coffee than I would.
Maybe they just have the "you didn't buy the 1000 calorie, overpriced by 3 dollars, coffee" haterism. I think they're mad that I don't support their struggling franchise by buying Vente Vanilla Quadruple shot Mocha's everyday. Then again, they'd just mess that up too.
All I ask for is their bold blend coffee with vanilla syrup and room for cream. Sounds easy doesn't it? Well, every time I go there, they mess it up. The most common mistake is not putting in the vanilla syrup. It happens 2 out of every 3 visits. All it requires is three squirts from their syrup bottle. So usually I sip it first to make sure. And when I ask them to add it when they didn't, they look at me as if I need anger management.
The second mistake that is always made is not giving me room for cream. They fill it up to the brim. I bring my own cup (as a favor for my tree huggin', oatmeal eating friends), which is designed with a 1" high brim to keep from spilling in my poorly designed car cupholder. However, it needs about 1 cm or so room beneath it since it dips low into the actual cup. Well, one out of three visits they fill it up to the brim. So when I add my non-fat milk (which tastes and looks like water with white food coloring) I'm at the limit. At the condiments (I guess you call it that) stand, I sit there for a minute trying to decide, "Should I risk the two packets of sugar.. that might put it over the top." I add the sugar everytime, but I'm indecisive like that sometimes (funny I'm decisive about life or death situations... but sugar stifles me). After getting in my car, another decision awaits. Should I poor out some or just try to drive REAL slow (ie simulate driving a tree huggin', oatmeal eatin' friend's favorite car - a supersubcompact 15hp car that gets 50mpg). Depending on the day, I go 50/50 either way.. but I feel horribly guilty about dumping that precious 20 mL of coffee.
The last coffee serving infraction involves caramel syrup. Every other coffee place I know gets it right when I say, "Grande coffee with caramel syrup and room for cream." Of course this particular one gets it wrong. They actually put in one squirt of real caramel. Which is great if I was eating ice cream, but adds no flavor to the coffee. So when I come back saying, "Could I get some caramel syrup, I think you forgot to add it." They say, "We did already." I say, "No you didn't, you added caramel SAUCE." Again, they look at me like I forgot that I am in THE Starbucks and drinking THEIR coffee and how dare I even suggest that they can't serve it right.
So why don't I go to another Starbucks you ask? Well, I like driving an extra 5 minutes in the morning. Let's my engine warm up. Gives me a chance to catch an extra 5 minutes of Trance. But I think the biggest reason is so I can have hope in the morning. Just hope that they do it right for once. Just ONE TIME... help a brotha out!
For awhile, I thought it might be because I gave them the "I don't like change in my pocket" tip. You all know what I mean. So a couple of times, I gave a whole dollar to the same person... hoping that they'd notice and that the next morning, they'd get it right. Nope. Didn't matter. So now I go no tip at all, which means I don't get the "Have a nice day" that everyone else gets. Plus, why should I tip a place that serves overpriced coffee to chain store lovin' fast wallets like me? I really should make my own coffee. But I convince myself every morning that those retards at Starbucks put more TLC in their coffee than I would.
Maybe they just have the "you didn't buy the 1000 calorie, overpriced by 3 dollars, coffee" haterism. I think they're mad that I don't support their struggling franchise by buying Vente Vanilla Quadruple shot Mocha's everyday. Then again, they'd just mess that up too.
posted by Richard at 10:11 AM
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