Acquaintance-ship
I thought about titling this blog friendship, but that was too cliche. And then I wanted to call it acquaintances, but that wasn't what I was going for. Acquaintances implies two strangers who happen to know each other. But what happens when its two friends who act like acquaintances? So I ended up with acquaintanceship (a-ship from now on). It's an amorphous state of a relationship that is less than a friendship, but more than just being mere acquaintances. It needs to have been borne out of a good friendship (or even a great friendship). It cannot be attained by mere strangers. It implies a lost friendship more than anything.
All of us have gone through this. Think about a friend that you barely know or see anymore. At one point, the two of you might have been the best of friends, sharing all of your hardships, your tears, your laughter, and your loyalty unconditionally. At one time, the two of you might have thought that there was nothing that would stand in the way of your friendship. And at one time, you thought that this person was your savior, the one who would take the hit for you. But then, at some point, the friendship loses its way, and you find yourself wishing for it to come back again.
The signs are clear.
Reciprocation is the first thing to go. You find yourself always making the effort to contact your friends. Yet, they barely do the same. You feel as if you were to catch the next flight to Bora Bora, they wouldn't even know you were gone until you came back 6 months later and called them about it. Left to their own devices, they wouldn't even call you unless something necessitated it.
Conversation depth is out the door too. When you finally do make contact, all you hear is, "So how's your job going?" Or "How's the family?" Or "The weather over here is sure cold." Or "How about them Yankees?" What's worse is when they get the information incorrect. "You still working at ACME?" "No man, I quit that like 2 years ago, I told you that when I was back there last summer." The conversations become no different than those you would have at the office cooler. Nothing deep, nothing controversial, all too safe, and all too distant.
Reliability and loyalty is lost in transformation also. The person who used to defend and advocate you suddenly became a new critic. The person that showed up at every outing you planned developed a horrid case of flaking. You used to count them in automatically, but now you have to kiss their ass to get them to attend. Even more maddening is when you have to counter the lame excuses they give. "I can't come man, I've got to spend some time with my wife." "What are you talking about? I haven't seen you in 2 years, and you can't spare 2 hours?"
Finally, they lose all interest in your identity. They used to listen to you ramble on about your favorite music, movies, books, etc., but now, they prefer to talk about themselves. They used to be able to finish your thoughts, but now they can't even let you finish your sentences. You feel as if they don't even know who you are anymore, or even worse don't even wish too.
I'm sad to have lost some friends to a-ship. Luckily, I've found new friends who hopefully won't. Maybe it's true that friendships are there only when you need them at a certain time in your life. But I guess I'm not pragmatic like that.
All of us have gone through this. Think about a friend that you barely know or see anymore. At one point, the two of you might have been the best of friends, sharing all of your hardships, your tears, your laughter, and your loyalty unconditionally. At one time, the two of you might have thought that there was nothing that would stand in the way of your friendship. And at one time, you thought that this person was your savior, the one who would take the hit for you. But then, at some point, the friendship loses its way, and you find yourself wishing for it to come back again.
The signs are clear.
Reciprocation is the first thing to go. You find yourself always making the effort to contact your friends. Yet, they barely do the same. You feel as if you were to catch the next flight to Bora Bora, they wouldn't even know you were gone until you came back 6 months later and called them about it. Left to their own devices, they wouldn't even call you unless something necessitated it.
Conversation depth is out the door too. When you finally do make contact, all you hear is, "So how's your job going?" Or "How's the family?" Or "The weather over here is sure cold." Or "How about them Yankees?" What's worse is when they get the information incorrect. "You still working at ACME?" "No man, I quit that like 2 years ago, I told you that when I was back there last summer." The conversations become no different than those you would have at the office cooler. Nothing deep, nothing controversial, all too safe, and all too distant.
Reliability and loyalty is lost in transformation also. The person who used to defend and advocate you suddenly became a new critic. The person that showed up at every outing you planned developed a horrid case of flaking. You used to count them in automatically, but now you have to kiss their ass to get them to attend. Even more maddening is when you have to counter the lame excuses they give. "I can't come man, I've got to spend some time with my wife." "What are you talking about? I haven't seen you in 2 years, and you can't spare 2 hours?"
Finally, they lose all interest in your identity. They used to listen to you ramble on about your favorite music, movies, books, etc., but now, they prefer to talk about themselves. They used to be able to finish your thoughts, but now they can't even let you finish your sentences. You feel as if they don't even know who you are anymore, or even worse don't even wish too.
I'm sad to have lost some friends to a-ship. Luckily, I've found new friends who hopefully won't. Maybe it's true that friendships are there only when you need them at a certain time in your life. But I guess I'm not pragmatic like that.
posted by Richard at 3:29 PM
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